I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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