I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
