no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
