Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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