I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
