The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
