You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
