Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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