I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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