My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
