Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
