going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
