I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
