We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
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