Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
