Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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