He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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