i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
