I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
