Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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