i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
