did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
