new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
