He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
