I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She told me I should be a condom model.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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