..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
