you will always have a special place in my vag
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize