That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
