Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
