i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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