It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
