I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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