take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
