I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
