Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
