I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
