and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
