seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He better not be in your backpack
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
