mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
