we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
