my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I think my fart just growled at me.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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