I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
