She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
