Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I've blown a few things in my day
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
