Pappa wants mamma naked
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
