i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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