Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
