the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
