I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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