Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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