we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
