You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
