Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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