I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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