He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
