be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
