I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
