I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
