Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
