I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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