Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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