and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize