Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
