I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
