The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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