im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
