Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
