we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
