you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
