There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
my being single is dangerous.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
